From the recording What If Your Butt Was Gone

This is a parody of one of my own songs ("What If Your Girlfriend Was Gone"). I wrote these lyrics when i was too skinny, and could not sit comfotably anywhere for more than a few minutes. Needless to say, that problem is now... rectified...

Lyrics

I was just wondering- hypothetically What would you do? theoretically If something should happen accidentally or medically What if your butt was gone? If sitting in a wooden chair felt like tacks And you found you had nothing to hold up your slacks 'cause instead of a butt you had just a crack Well something would have it be done Would you write Dear Abby for advice in a letter Put a cushion in the chair to make it feel better Try to fatten up with Brie and cheddar What if your butt was gone? If your butt disappeared without a trace And everyone looked all over the place Why do you have that look on your face? Hey it could happen to you If that booty petootie that sweet derriere Were now inexplicably no longer there How soon would you miss it? How much would you care? And what do you think you would do? Would you call me up Would you fall to pieces Would you make it the topic of your doctoral thesis Try to go out and find a prosthesis What if your butt was gone? A butt, as you know, can be skinny or fat Dimpled or pimpled, curvy or flat Like an opinion, everyone's got one But what if your butt was suddenly not one If something should happen hypothetically What would you do? theoretically If something should happen accidentally or medically What if your butt was gone? Would you call me up Would you start confiding How you tried to make it grow with fluorescent lighting How you had to give up horseback riding What if your butt was gone? Would you realize there's a good selection Shopping for clothes in the children's section Would you go to your closet and make a commotion Take all your pants and throw 'em in the ocean Does your butt hang low does it wobble to and fro Can you tie it in a knot can you tie it in a bow Can you sling it over your shoulder like a continental soldier What if your butt was gone?